Harry in Wonderland
by Blue Lilys
Summary: Two days after Harry arrives at Grimmauld Place, he starts quoting Alice in Wonderland. One-Shot. Funny. Please read and review.


On Monday morning, two days after Harry arrived at Grimmauld Place, Harry was sitting in the kitchen when Sirius came downstairs.

"Morning Harry," he greeted, coming to sit in one of the chairs at the table.

"You're terribly late, you know...naughty." Harry said.

"Late. Late for what?" Sirius asked, utterly confused at his Godson's peculiar behavior.

"You're late for tea!" Harry screeched, seizing an empty teacup and throwing it into the wall where it smashed into several small pieces.

Sirius couldn't have been more baffled. Why was Harry suddenly acting like this? "What's the matter with you?"

Harry looked up from his small china tea cup and met his Godfather's eyes. "What's the hatter with me?" he asked, only succeeding in confusing Sirius further.

They sat in silence for several minutes before Harry abruptly said, "What a regrettably large head you have. I would very much like to hat it."

Sirius looked up, slowly growing concerned for his Godson's mental health. "Have you gone mad?" he asked, half-jokingly.

"I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M. Moron, Mutiny, Murder, Malice..." Harry replied, talking as though he was simply discussing the weather.

Harry then proceeded to look at the table and sing quietly, "twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle." He soon fell silent and they once again lapsed into silence. Noticing that Harry looked tense and deep in thought, Sirius asked him what he was thinking, and immediately regretted it.

"I was wondering what it would be like to fly. What an idea. A crazy, mad and wonderful idea." He replied dreamily, picking up his teacup and examining it. "Curiouser and curiouser," he whispered to himself.

Sirius shook his head at the madness of Harry's behaviour. In an attempt to bring him back down to earth, he asked a question that no one could possibly answer weirdly. Or so he thought. "What's the time?"

"Time can be funny in dreams."

"What?"

"Time can be funny in dreams. I was just thinking about dreams. I like dreams. Only good dreams of course. Having said that, I suppose you can influence what happens in your dream. Whenever I dream I always say to myself, this is my dream. I'll decide where it goes from here...I make the path!"

Sirius eyes widened. "What are you talking about?"

"From the moment I fell down the rabbit hole, I've been told what I must do and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed inside a tea pot. I've been accused of being Harry and of not being Harry."

"Yes you certainly did fall down the rabbit hole didn't you? And hit your head all the way down. Look Harry, stop being silly."

Harry didn't even meet his eyes. Sirius gave up and poured himself some tea. Harry abruptly stood and walked over to an empty kitchen cupboard, opening it and peering inside as if it held something of great interest. Sirius thought it best not to ask. "Harry, I don't know what you're doing but this is Grimmauld Place. You never know what might lurk in small confined spaces, so for god sake, get your head out of that cupboard!"

"This is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it; you need to be as mad as a hatter. Which luckily I am."

With that, Harry crawled into the cupboard and slammed the door shut behind him.

He stayed in there for an hour but when Sirius tried to open the door he found that Harry had magically locked it, clearly ignoring the law about underage wizardry, and was refusing to let him in. Whenever Sirius asked if he would come out, Harry just shouted "off with your head," before denying him entrance.

Sirius went and sat back down at the table, debating whether to retrieve his wand from upstairs and open the cupboard himself when Ron, Hermione and Ginny entered the room. Before Sirius could say anything, Harry burst out of the cupboard and said in cold voice, "Well, if it isn't my favorite trio... of lunatics." He them conjured a teacup out of thin air and threw it at them, screeching, "You're late for tea." Before anyone could recover from Harry's angry and also violent outburst, he had crawled back into the cupboard and locked the door behind him.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" Ron asked, visibly shaken by the unexpected teacup attack.

Sirius was about to explain the madness, when a loud wail was heard from inside the cupboard where Harry sat. "Someone has stolen three of my tarts!" He cried, startling the four occupants of the room.

"Who has done what?" Hermione asked, trying to make sense of it all.

Harry once again, slammed open the door of the cupboard and pointed a threatening finger at Sirius. "IT WAS YOU!" He shouted anger clearly present in his voice.

"I didn't do anything," Sirius said.

"Who are you?"

"Harry?" Sirius asked, wondering why Harry would ask his name.

"You're not Harry. I'm Harry. The question is...who are you?

"What is wrong with you?" Sirius asked.

"I can't help you if you don't even know who you are, stupid boy." He said, as he slammed the door shut once again.

"Hold on, I'm who one who needs help?" Sirius shouted.

Harry stayed in there for the rest of the day. Later that evening, when Neville arrived for a visit through the floo network, Harry emerged from his cupboard. He had somehow learned how to conjure a gleaming silver sword, and gave poor Neville quite a fright when he stood in the kitchen brandishing it violently.

He eventually stopped the indignant swings of the sword and glided over to Neville as though on wheels. Harry passed the sword to Neville and said in a misty far-away voice, "we have our champion."

Later that evening, Mrs. Weasley passed large bowls of chicken soup around the table. Everyone was giving Harry an extremely wide berth, given recent behavior. When Remus walked into the room, looking run down and tired on account of yesterday's full moon, Harry flung his bowl at his head. "You're late for soup!" he cried.

Remus, who had not been able to dodge the oncoming attack, got covered in chicken soup. Everyone stared open mouthed at Harry. Sure, he had been behaving very oddly all day, but no one thought that he would go so far as to actually attack an adult.

"Someone tell me what on earth is going on or that boy will lose his head!" Remus demanded.

"Already lost it. All together now," Harry cried, as he started singing 'twinkle twinkle little bat.'

"You're mad," Ron said, leaping from his chair and pointing at Harry, "you've finally lost it!"

"Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?" Harry asked.

"Okay, either you have lost it or this is dream and_ I_ have gone mad!" Sirius stated.

"You're mad, bonkers, off your head! But I'll tell you a secret: All the best people are."


End file.
